Concern for Who We Are Becoming
In a world of rising rudeness and division, discover how humility, patience, and love can preserve the church’s testimony and unity in Christ.
I am concerned about many things happening in our world, but one concern rises above the rest: who we are becoming as a people in the midst of multiple crises.
The FAA reports over 4,000 incidents of unruly passengers on flights this year. Restaurant workers report a sharp rise in rudeness from customers.
Research shows this isn’t just about hurt feelings—incivility can be deadly. In a 2017 study on neonatal intensive care unit teams, those exposed to rudeness performed worse for the rest of the day, even misdiagnosing cases. Another study found that rudeness accounts for more than 40% of hospital errors that result in patient deaths.
Anger and negativity don’t stay contained—they spread. And this is where my concern for the church grows. If we allow anger, division, and rudeness to creep into our fellowship, what happens to our testimony? What good is it to “win” every argument if we lose our Christlike identity in the process?
Jesus prayed that we would be known for our love for one another and our unity in Him. But that doesn’t happen automatically—it takes intentional work.
Walking Worthy of Our Calling
Ephesians 4:1–3 (ESV)
I, therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called,
with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,
eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.
1. Show Humility, Gentleness, and Patience
Our natural, human “default settings” lean toward pride, harshness, and impatience. The Bible calls this the flesh—the sinful nature. But God calls us to be filled with the Holy Spirit, living beyond our defaults.
A Christlike focus means:
- Thinking of others often and praying for them.
- Correcting offenses when possible.
- Being willing to forgive.
- Avoiding “analysis paralysis” when a step toward peace is needed.
2. Some Basics for Healthy Conversation
Healthy relationships require healthy conversations. Here’s a simple framework:
Listen
Don’t just wait for your turn to talk—really listen. Imagine the conversation is like receiving instructions to diffuse a bomb. You’d pay close attention, right?
Understand
Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Ask, “What are they really trying to say?”
Verify
Repeat back, in your own words, what you heard. This shows them you understand.
Value
Even if you don’t agree, acknowledge that what they’ve shared matters. People will share more openly if they know they’re being heard rather than gossiped about later.
Apologize
Not, “I’m sorry you misunderstood,” but simply, “I’m sorry.” Then you can explain your intent if needed.
3. What About Speaking the Truth?
Loving others includes speaking truth—but how we do it matters just as much as the content.
A.W. Tozer put it well:
“A Pharisee is hard on others and easy on himself, but a spiritual man is easy on others and hard on himself.”
Too often, “speaking truth” becomes a cover for being rude. Genuine love tempers truth with grace.
Guidelines for speaking truth in love:
- Don’t cause another believer to stumble.
- Correct in private, praise in public.
- Maintain the bond of peace.
4. Diversity and Unity
The body of Christ is strengthened by diversity—different personalities, backgrounds, and gifts. Paul often warned against divisions over non-essentials. These aren’t unimportant, but they must never overshadow the unity we have in Christ.
If we let non-essentials divide us, we risk damaging our testimony before the watching world.
5. Love at the Core
“The fruit of the Spirit begins with love… Someone has said that all other eight can be put in terms of love. Joy is love exulting; peace is love in repose; long-suffering is love on trial; gentleness is love in society; goodness is love in action; faith is love on the battlefield; meekness is love at school, and temperance is love in training. So it is love all the way; love at the top, love at the bottom, and all the way along down this list of graces.”
In the end, how we treat each other is the clearest evidence of whether the Spirit is at work in us. The world will know we are Christ’s disciples by our love for one another—not by how many arguments we win.